How well are you doing in your marriage so far? Especially during the lockdown, you may be under even more pressure. Right now, it is even more essential to strengthen, save or rebuild what you have before you decide to separate or get divorced. Or you could be making the most significant decision of your life, without the right discerning knowledge to help you, that is not therapy or counselling. Did you know, if you are in your mid to late ’20s, 50% of first-time marriages will end in divorce by the 4th and 8th wedding anniversary? The average age for divorce is 45 for a man and 42 for a woman.
If you want to be in the 50% survival group, consider these questions to monitor your relationship happiness so far?
Do you believe your husband/wife should make you happy? Yes/No?
During an argument, do you blame your husband/wife for upsetting you? Yes/No?
Do you avoid discussing an argument or walk away? Yes/No?
Do you ignore your partner and remain in a mood for a while, if not days? Yes/No?
Now you have been together a few years, do you sometimes feel bored with your relationship? Yes/No?
Below you will discover why you could be sabotaging your chances. Then scroll down even further to get some useful insights you need to know.
If you are answered 4 or 5 ‘Yes’ to the above 5 questions, here are the reasons why (remember to scroll down once you have read them):
How you communicate in your relationship will either make or break your relationship. If you believe it is your partner’s responsibility to make you happy, you are more likely to end your relationship and look for another relationship – to make you happy. To avoid repeating the same pattern, it is your responsibility to fulfil your own happiness from within, not your partner.
Should you continue to pass blame during an argument and make your partner wrong, imagine the impact on them over a long period. How would it make you feel if you were in their shoes? We must discover how to approach conflict differently.
When you walk away from conflict, the issue you do not discuss will fester and remain unresolved. If the same issue arises, again and again, resentment will start to build up and love will begin to fade unless you take a new approach to conflict. It is time to take responsibility for your own emotions. When you do this, you will respond and react differently too.
After an argument do you avoid speaking to your partner for a period of time, or longer than a few days because you are in a mood or find it hard to express your true feelings? The one person who this is likely to suffer and be affected by this situation is YOU! Why feel crap and stay stuck emotionally? You also have a choice to bring love back into flow when you understand yourself.
Have you considered why you feel bored sometimes? Don’t blame your partner and think your relationship is boring. There is possibly nothing is wrong with your relationship, It’s your personal boredom you need to address, not your relationship.
Business vs Relationship Success
I bet you would develop your business skills at work to support your job function to improve your chances of business success or promotion? You will also measure your success by your salary or net profits. If you measure your relationship success based on your happiness, how your partner makes you feel without developing your relationship skills, this is a formula for disaster.
To help you save, strengthen or rebuild what you have with your partner, consider the next Top 10 priceless tips to help you reignite your relationship happiness.
For your relationship to survive and thrive. Read each point then give yourself a mark out of 10. Zero (= lowest number), up to 10 (=you are the best you can be).
Take responsibility for your own inner happiness, your self-confidence, how you feel about yourself. It’s the first step to improving your relationship happiness. If you don’t feel good about yourself, how can you feel good about anyone else, your wife or husband, your children too if you have a family? Start working on your mental and emotional fitness. How happy do you feel about your relationship right now? What number applies to you on the scale of zero to 10?
Take time to understand how you tick and communicate. Take time to understand how you tick and communicate. Unless you know where your buttons come from when you talk and react with your partner. Your current partner (or someone new in your future) will keep pressing your same buttons with no intention of doing it. When you get clear about why and when they show up, you will begin to respond and react differently with your partner, wife or husband. This knowledge is priceless if you want to save or rekindle your relationship. Before you decide your partner is no longer making you happy, think again why YOU are not feeling happy 0 – 10? What number are you?
Keep intimacy and sex alive Get your communication steps right and everything else will work. Make time for sex and intimacy. Tell your partner how much you fancy them, they need to feel desired regardless of the time you have known each other. Compliments are so precious to keep the fire burning for each other. How often do you compliment 0 – 10?
Get clear about why you respond the way you do during conflict. You will discover a new approach. You cannot change who you are, you can, however, learn to understand your natural communication style to better understand yourself. You will also better understand your partner and become better equipped to bring love and chemistry back into flow much quicker. How good are you right now 0-10?
You have a choice to decide how you react and respond to every situation in your life. You can also choose your attitude. Instead of shouting at each other. Make a conscious choice to discuss what happened when you have both calmed down. Remove yourself from the angry situation and start by slowing your breathing down to calm your body and mind. When you understand how to take control of your anger or the emotions you are feeling, you can control them with practice, practice, practice. Take time to apologise (when you know your buttons have been pressed) because it could be your fault the argument started. Taking responsibility for your own feelings and emotions instead of passing blame will allow your relationship to flourish and thrive once more. How conscious are you 0 – 10?
If you are feeling bored with your routine. Or sex and intimacy are becoming less frequent. You can re-ignite the magic or overcome the relationship hurdles most long-term couples will experience. Make time to include new hobbies or adventures to keep romance and magic alive. Sharing new exciting and fun experiences together will always help to bring you closer together if you understand each other’s needs. How good are you at keeping love alive 0-10?.
Take time to observe how you communicate at work and at home. With greater communication awareness, you will have a toolkit to build a much stronger connection together with your partner for love and happiness to thrive. How aware are you 0-10?
Learning about your deeper emotional needs (beyond sex and chemistry) How do you show and give love to each other outside of the bedroom? When you recognise what is important to your partner, you will begin to talk the same language to better understand your needs and your partner’s needs. Your love will continue to grow. How great are you at considering your partner’s emotional needs? 0-10?
How to overcome your negative emotions after conflict. When you feel angry, with practice and strong self-awareness you can choose to let go of your upset, or any tension in your body when you practice mindfulness. Listening more loudly to your body and what your emotions are telling you, it will become easier to control your negative emotions and turn your angry dial down. If one partner is investing time to practice this it takes dedication. How great are you at overcoming conflict 0 – 10?
Start planning regular date nights (to make each other feel special). Share your appreciation of each other, the reasons you were first attracted to each other. Remind your partner why they are so unique to you. Plan a new shared adventure (just the two of you together). Share some quality time together, to reignite your love, intimacy and connection. You are both responsible for your 50% of your relationship happiness.
Another partner will not make you happy. Apply what you need to learn first. Separation or divorce will subsequently no longer be an option. Get your relationship survival toolkit, the solutions, to see how your relationship will change – if you both want to work at your relationship together. Or it may be time to see a divorce lawyer. Alison Whistler from Horsley Lightly, Newbury, I would highly recommend.
To get you started
The knowledge, insight and wisdom you need to know are offered to you in the FREE 14-day online relationship programme.The programme issuitable whether you are single, have been divorced a while, or considering separation or divorce. If you want to save and rebuild what you have before it is too late – How to Recognise Your Mr Extraordinary – will help you rediscover what is essential individually or as a couple together. You firstly need to revisit what is important to you and recognise what you need to work on if you are sabotaging your chances. If you are a guy looking for answers, you will get a good understanding of a woman’s viewpoint. Or complete it with your wife or partner to better understand your differences and how you both tick to better understand each other. To review your FREE 14-day online programme, you can complete it in the comfort of your own home to get your life and heart back on track. What price would you pay to rekindle your love and happiness together? If you also have a family, do it for them before you decide your relationship is over.
If you prefer exclusive 1-2-1 help please get in touch with me Karen Marshall